We all have had a time or two where we have said the wrong thing to our spouse. Maybe it was due to a spontaneous conversation we weren’t prepared to discuss or a touchy topic that caused our blood pressure to rise and we blurted out the first thing that came to mind. No matter the situation or reasoning behind those unkind words, they still hurt. In fact, they may still hurt after days, months, or years have gone by. The sting of the offense may be lingering in your spouses thoughts. Due to the stench, it may have caused your spouse to build a wall in an area of their life that you may not enter. Whether you said something about their weight, appearance, way of doing things, or thought process it doesn’t matter. What matters most is the aftermath. How did you recover from that situation? Have you recovered? Have you tried to recover?

Recovery is important. If you’re an athlete who tore your ACL, recovery would be needed for it to heal properly. If you’re an investor and you lost your client a lot of money, a process of recovery would be put in place to not only retain the customer but also to maintain the relationship. If your pipes burst due to the frigid conditions in Chicago this winter, the plumber assesses the situation and develops a repair and recovery plan. Are you following me? In all areas of life we are capable of making mistakes that require repairing and recovery. Our marriages are no different and quite frankly more important. Jobs come and go, things breakdown, and our bodies fail us at times but our marriages are meant to last until we die. I think that commitment deserves the energy, effort, and attention necessary to produce the longevity we said we wanted prior to saying ‘I do”.

I’m not writing this to beat anyone up. Well maybe just a little. However, I am attempting to encourage you to consider what you have done to cause your spouse to revoke you access to their heart. Develop a plan that leads to recovery. Be kind. Be loving. Most importantly, be PATIENT. Your spouse could have been internalizing an insecurity that you didn’t know about. They could have told you about their pain and you used it as a weapon and now trust is broken. The topic or situation is not as important as regaining trust, tearing down that wall, and raising a new fortress with the both of you on the inside. What a covenant!